Oh dear,
What a journey. What a change. It's been a miserable change. A change to take fourth and hopefully change the socially acceptable "simple" things the "normal" partake in daily assigned lives into doable regularities that my personal system doesn't comprehend.
I wanted to keep a tight knit record of reflections of the daily things I did to keep me stronger, so I could remember and be like "Ah, there is proof."
I don't even know where to start really.
I have done some social experiments (whoops). Zen has been a good friend and a worse enemy. Paleo diet, hmm- Very miserable but when successful quite impressive. Been places, been chill.
Finally got stressed to the max recently with the season also the end of November and once in October- but made it out alive.
My parents computer has been so slow , I couldn't even type on it. I have been so busy, trying to get a hold of neurotic repetitive behaviors for the first time in 26 years. How miserable it is, to teach yourself discipline whilst enabling and coddling still surrounds you.
If only I could only got all this sweet juice in my bowl , somewhere present to reflect the truth of situations.
My need for approval still exists.
Through all that, trying to organize , I am really into the environment as well. Which makes all that even harder.
I'm finding not having my art time or me time, and gym time makes me a little psycho. When you go down on doses and replace it with holistic therapies you still depend on it.
I NEED to draw, I NEED to work out, I NEED to hug that tree, dance it out, write , eat strict, drink water etc
Because I don't want to take a pill. Many pills that the doctors think I need. I take them, I have gone down on some with supervision, and I must sit down and write the info I know down.
It's funny how ways of life are just so simple, and so unrecognizable in first world situations.
Why do we give our dogs dog food, why do we eat HMOs, Why do we take pills instead of use mother earth, why are we now hallucinating after that pill and believing that we are sick? Why are we using fertilizer, how is it legal to keep these factories open with all the waste? It just goes on and on and on.
I am still growing, in battle with myself, others- but I am blossoming into the current sun from the old moon.
The world just got a whole bunch more complicating, as I attract the oddest situations. The stories though, are just so worth it.
But as the divine whispers in my ear, " I need you to love, I need you to express love, give love, feel love", where does that leave the surrealist?
Whether what methods I use, my goal will always be the same.
To spread wise knowledge learnt from the subconscious, in art form to teach damaged parts of society truths for the greater good.
Whether anyone wants to listen well,
That's their decision. Now isn't that beautiful?
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